Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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