does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
