we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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