So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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