I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
