So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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