I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
