I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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