There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
