I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
