I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
