it wasn't lemon gatorade
dude i'm inner monologue high
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
