Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
