Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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