In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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