You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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