So drunk its hurt
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
