I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
