You work out of a Hotel?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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