take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
