The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize