Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Randomize
