she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
