it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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