Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am spending my child support on dildos
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
