I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
