i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
