i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
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I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
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He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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