I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
