I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
