yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
