Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
