i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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