Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
