i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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