First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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