Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize