who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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