he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
