fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
