Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
