never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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