so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
