The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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