toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
