someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
