I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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