Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
