I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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