i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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