wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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