so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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