No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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