Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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