We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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