Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
