All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
