I wish my penis had an off switch
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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