you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
