If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
