we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
