We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
