i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
