Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
