Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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