bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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