I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
