trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
