Ambien. No doubt about it.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
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his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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