I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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