You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
