Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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