come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
