it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
