you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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