it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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