So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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