the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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