I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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