dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Help. Why am I so naked?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
