I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
